Body Language Expert & Life Coach - Mark Edgar Stephens
Our intertivew today is with Communication and Body Language Coach/Expert, Mark Edgar Stephens. Mark first made a name for himself on TLC’s (The Learning Channel) relationship and dating series, “Date Patrol” as a Communication and Body Language Coach. During this time Oprah Winfrey called Mark an “authority on love” when she invited him to aa guest expert to help, “The Oprah Winfrey Shows” select a deserving couple for a Million Dollar Wedding Giveaway.
For two seasons, Mark then went on to work with and help families in conflict as the Host, Expert, and Life Coach on HGTV’s, “Under 1 Roof” series. Mark was also the Body Language Expert that helped contestants on NBC’s game show, “Identity”.
Mark has been a guest expert on VH1, The Style Network, MTV, LifeTime, Access Hollywood, and he is currently featured as a recurring contributor for, “The Dr. Drew Show” on HeadLine News.
You can read more about Mark and his work at his website – http://www.MarkEdgarStephens.com You can also follow Mark on FaceBook and on Twitter.
Abundant Health Center: In this day and age of $5.00 a gallon gas prices, high
unemployment, and people losing their homes what is one of the best things that a
person can do to either maintain or regain a healthy sense of self worth and mental calmness?
Mark Edgar Stephens: I strongly suggest breathing deeply, laughing out loud, breathing
deeply again, laughing out loud again, breathe some more, and then laugh some more!!!
Truly, beyond lengthywords and lofty concepts, I’ve found the simplicity of breathing deeply
and laughingoften seems to turn perspectives around no matter the situation that arises. Both
activities bring more oxygen into the body and into the brain, releasing the endorphins that
make us feel a natural high, regardless of gas prices, unemployment numbers, or housing
difficulties. The recipe could read like this: Breathe deeply, laugh out loud, and then
repeat, again, and again, again for the rest of your life. I use this recipe often in my own
life.
AHC: How important is a “healthy” attitude?
MES: A “healthy” attitude is EVERYTHING. We experience what we believe to be true for us.
A healthy attitude includes being grateful for everything no matter how it shows up in our
lives, finding laughter even in the toughest of situations, loving fully and out loud, and
forgiving ourselves when we forget to do the first three things I mentioned above.
AHC: Mark, you’re known as the, “Look For The Blessing” guy, how does someone look for the
blessing in what they may perceive as a failure or tragedy? Also, what are some of the benefits
from taking the time to Look For The Blessing?
MES: There is a blessing in everything that happens to us, in everything we perceive, and in
every moment of life. It is our responsibility and our right to live in the blessing. Failure
and tragedy are both opportunities to question our ego’s need to keep us in a fearful
place. When we believe that things “out there” in life are bigger than we are, we become
fearful and feel small and disempowered. Using the same amount of energy to find what
good comes from each event, situation, and perception is the opposite. We become
stronger and feel better when we can see that life is simply a series of changes. Moving
with change as a blessing, no matter what form that change may take, is infinitely more
powerful and beneficial than lying down in the misery of a victim mentality. Finding the
blessing in every situation is like fueling the car for a long trip. It creates peace of mind
for the long drive ahead and allows the mind to see new possibilities that may not have
been visible before the perceived failure or tragedy.
AHC: In your book, “Who Are You Choosing To Be?” you tell the story of losing your
wallet, along with your money, credit cards, and identification right before your first
appearance on, “The Oprah Winfrey Show”. Would you mind sharing with us how you found
the blessing in this and how you found a calmness for yourself in an extremely stressful and
frustrating situation?
"Who Are You Choosing To Be?" by, Mark Edgar Stephens
MES: I was nervous about appearing with Oprah Winfrey as an “expert” in my field. At the
time, Oprah was the biggest talk show on television. I wondered if I really had the goods
to appear alongside internationally recognized authorities to do the job being asked of
me. I was questioning my worth. When my wallet and money went missing hours before
the show appearance, I panicked. I called my coach at that moment and he started asking
me the questions that helped me to turn my perceptions around. With his help, I was able
to realize that my worth was not in my wallet. My identity was not in my wallet. My
nervousness disappeared. I knew that even without any identification or money, I was
still Mark. My worth and value were NOT outside of me, but very much inside of me.
Without the theft of my wallet, I may not have had this realization. I went on to have one
of the best television appearances of my life. It was truly a great blessing.
AHC: I have heard you say before, “When in doubt, BREATHE!” What exactly does that mean?
MES: Breathing is the simplest thing that we do. We do it automatically and without thought.
However, when we add consciousness to our breathing, it has the ability to slow down
our out of control thinking, bring greater amounts of oxygen into our bodies, instill a
sense of calm, and allow inspiring thoughts to flow into our minds. Deep, deliberate
breathing is the key to instantaneous emotional relief.
AHC: Is this the same as, “Deliberate Breathing”? Would you mind explaining for our
readers what exactly Deliberate Breathing is, how they can do it, and the benefits that
they will get?
MES: Deliberate Breathing, as I describe it, is a three-breath process. The first breath
identifiesany tension or discomfort in the body. The second breath focuses upon the identified
area without judgment or intention other than to breath into the area identified. The third
breath is a free breath that allows awareness to move through the body. The result of this
three-breath process is that without any effort, the area of the body that was seeking
conscious awareness (ultimately, physical pain and discomfort are bodily
communications asking for recognition of a misalignment of thought and/or emotion)
becomes less tense and more relaxed. Subsequently, the entire body and mind release
tension and allow a greater flow of oxygen into the respiratory system. With the
increased intake of oxygen, the mind clears allowing moments of unexpected inspiration
and possibility to follow.
AHC: Mark, over the years you have worked with a lot of clients. You’ve had some extremely
successful companies bring you into their businesses for coaching and you’ve also had personal
clients that are extremely high achievers and you’ve gotten results for these people. For our
readers what are five actions that they can start doing today to move their lives in the direction
they want and start achieving their hopes, dreams, and goals?
MES: It is interesting that the five actions I suggest are not the usual steps you might find in a
business achievement manual. Nonetheless, what I know is that an increased sense of
love, gratitude, forgiveness, laughter, and appreciation are the five keys to achieving any
goal that is in alignment with true satisfaction and success. Success and goal
achievement mean nothing if they are not accompanied by these five daily, lifelong
actions. Love is the primary key for any sense of achievement. Without it, nothing is
worth doing. With it, everything has a sense of purpose. A sense of gratitude for all
things that appear in your life leaves no room to look for lack. Forgiveness of self and
others, allows you to move forward out of blame, shame, and guilt (big obstacles to
happiness and satisfaction). Laughter is the antidote for sadness, anger, and regret.
Active appreciation is the action that rallies others to your cause and creates enthusiasm
in everyone you meet. Without these actions, there is no goal or achievement worth
pursuing. Recently, someone asked me my definition of success and I said, “to laugh
hard and out loud at least once everyday.” I know what it is like to NOT do so. I
wouldn’t trade the experience of hearty laughter for any amount of money, award, or
accolade in the world … and I mean that.
AHC: Your book, “Who Are You Choosing To Be?” came out a couple of years ago and
was very well received, I have to ask, when is your next book coming out and can you
give us an idea of what it will be about?
MES: Ah, the next book … that is an interesting question. I’ve played with the idea of
everything from a book about body language to a book about following creative nudges
to a book titled, “The Big Hug.” At this moment, I’m not actively working on a new
book. Whatever the next book may be, I am sure it will have a lot of humor and laughter
in it. If it hasn’t been clear from the previous questions, laughter is of paramount
importance in my life. It has the ability to go above and beyond words and heal on a very
primal level. For anyone reading this, what book do you think should find its way into
the universe. Give me a creative nudge. Let me know what you’d like to read about that
is of a “feel good” nature, and I’ll write it. Deal?
AHC: What other projects are you currently working on?
MES: Currently, I appear with Dr. Drew on HeadLine News analyzing the body language of
persons of interest in the media. Dr. Drew is a great guy and I really enjoy my
appearances on HLN (HeadLine News). I will be appearing on a new television talk show called, “Broad
Topics” with three very interesting women in late April. I don’t yet know the air-date. I
am teaching public speaking and body language workshops in Los Angeles, and currently
working on a relationship curriculum for a one-day seminar with a friend who is a
psychotherapist. We have different points of view that complement one another nicely.
AHC: Is there anything else that you would like to add?
MES: For anyone interested in bringing me in as a speaker, facilitator, or workshop leader in
communication, body language, public speaking, relationships, or human behavior,
please don’t hesitate to contact me directly through my website,
www.MarkEdgarStephens.com. I always enjoy presenting this material about which I am
so passionate to all sorts of groups. And, finally, I am working on a somewhat “secret”
project. It is a very funny, hybrid documentary/reality series for the web. The
entertainment industry calls it a “mockumentary.” Basically, we are taking a very big
poke at my work in reality television and on-camera therapy. I can tell you I am laughing
out loud every day we are filming. This project has taught me that if you can’t laugh at
yourself, then you’re missing a lot of good laughs. I don’t know when it will be released,
AHC: Mark, thank you for your time and insights.
MES: You’re welcome.